Breaking the Silence
by Kerrymdb
Summary: In a last desperate attempt to save her relationship with Remus, Tonks decides she needs to learn how to brew the Wolfsbane Potion. But she never imagined that the only one willing to teach her was the last man that she wanted to see. Part three of three
1. Part I

**A/N - This was written for the _Colour of Sins_ challenge over at Colourful Bat over at Livejournal. (Put a underscore between colourful and bat if you'd like to find the community) This will be posted in three parts.**

* * *

**Breaking the Silence **

Tonks sat up in the bed she shared with Remus – a place she used to consider a sanctuary – with her knees brought up tightly to her chest. Besides her, Remus was not having a peaceful slumber. Every fitful movement seemed to be another dagger to her soul. Another reminder.

She wasn't enough.

It had been foolish to think that once the war was over than she and Remus would live happily ever after. But that one thought had sustained her through the darkest nights of the war. That once there was peace, they would be able to fight Remus' demons and find their way towards some sort of happiness.

But in order to claim that happiness, they both needed to fight and it seemed that Remus had stopped long ago. As was his style, Remus seemed content to wait for the day when she would leave him. She wouldn't. She couldn't.

Four years of her life had been dedicated to this man. Tonks couldn't just pick up and leave him. She wouldn't let him think that she was like everyone else. Because she wasn't. And someday she'd make him realise that.

Wearily, Tonks rested her head on her pillow and stared at him. Tonight was the best night of the month, he always told her. The full moon had been the night before and he didn't have to think of the moon again for twenty-seven days. It was a night they celebrated often in this very bed. Though tonight, when she reached for him, Remus had rolled over and professed tiredness.

Tonks reached out and gently stroked his cheek. Someday he would realise that she was never going to leave. And then everything would be perfect.

* * *

"Why so glum?" Tonks asked, trying to sound light hearted, ignoring the fear that started to build up in her throat when she saw his face. Hoping that the conversation she was so desperately scared he would find the courage for wasn't planned for the moment she stepped into their small flat. 

Running his hand through his hair, Remus threw a piece of parchment across the kitchen table. Silently, Tonks picked it up and started reading. The news wasn't good. The Potions Master that Remus used to buy Wolfsbane Potion had been sent to Azkaban.

"That's not good," Tonks sighed, joining him at the table. "Can you find another?"

"There are no others," Remus said dejectedly. "We can't afford the prices from the Apothecary in Diagon Alley, so the only option is the black market. This is the third one that's been sent to Azkaban for shoddy dealings. I'll be killed at this rate."

Tonks ignored the casual tone of his voice when he spoke of his own death. "Could you brew it yourself?" Tonks asked, brightening at the idea. "Buying the ingredients has to be cheaper than buying the potion."

"I don't have the skills, Tonks," Remus said softly. "I didn't even receive an O.W.L. in Potions."

Drumming her fingers on the table, Tonks asked, "Could I do it, do you think?"

"I can't have you doing that." Remus looked up at her sharply.

"Why not?" Tonks was warming to the idea. "I can have someone teach me. I'm a quick learner, especially in Potions. I got an O on my Potions N.E.W.T."

"I could just go without-"

"No." Her voice was harsher than she intended. "If there is anything to make your transformation less stressful, you'll have it."

"If that's what you really want," Remus told her.

"It is," Tonks said with a smile.

"Then thank you."

* * *

Finding a Potions Master had been harder than she thought it would be. She couldn't go to any of the reputable Potions Masters, because questions would be asked. One of the greatest strains of her relationship with Remus was that it had to be kept secret. Only a few select people knew they were together. With the new statures against Dark Creatures that passed since the end of the war, if it was discovered that her lover was werewolf, it could mean her job. 

Bill Weasley, using some contacts through Goblins, told her of a man located in Knockturn Alley, willing to make any potion presented to him. When she probed further, trying to get more information, Bill told her that he charged such an inordinate sum that hardly anyone was willing to go there.

Tonks decided that she had to at least try. The prices that were mentioned were for the actual potions themselves. Perhaps she could talk him down in price to give her lessons.

Pulling her navy Auror robe around her tightly, Tonks walked into Knockturn Alley with her head held high. It wouldn't be good to show any weakness. Since the end of the war, Knockturn Alley had become even a more depressing place, if that was possible. With so many former patrons either in Azkaban or dead, the economy had taken a nose dive. There were a number of empty stores that had been thriving businesses only a few years ago.

She stopped in front of the address that Bill had written on a piece of parchment for her. He was only able to provide an address, no name, so Tonks wasn't quite sure what to expect. Staring back at her was a large tarnished knocker.

Without thinking, Tonks knocked three times and waited. More than five minutes passed and Tonks was about to turn around and try back another time when a small slit in the wooden door opened.

There was hardly enough time to see the eyes on the other side of the door before the slit closed with an authoritative thud. She waited for the door to open. And waited. When another five minutes passed, Tonks knocked again.

The slit opened instantly. "Your business isn't wanted."

Her stomach clenched when she recognised the voice. Even though he was quite possibly the last man she wanted to see on earth, she needed his services. Knocking again, she said in a loud, no-nonsense voice, "Severus Snape, open-"

Even before she had a chance to finish the sentence, the door opened and he grabbed her tightly by the arm, pulling her inside.

"Are you attempting to have me killed?" he hissed.

"I take it you're not very popular with the neighbors," Tonks shot back.

"Explain your intrusion or leave." His glare informed her that he was about as happy to see her and she was him.

Tonks looked at him innocently. "You're the one that dragged me in by the elbow."

Snape walked behind a large wooden desk and sat down. In front of him was an unopened dark leather bound book embossed with faded gold letters. He said nothing as he leaned back in the chair and studied her.

She stared back, but used the silence to take in as many details as possible. He was thinner than ever, his shoulders protruded sharply from his plain black work robes. The man hadn't shaved in several days and needed a haircut, judging by the way the hair was messily tied at the nape of his neck.

More than a year had passed since the last time she had seen him. After the final battle, once his name had been cleared – proof was shown of his loyalty to Dumbledore – Snape disappeared. There were rumors that he went to South America or Albania or even as far as Asia. Obviously the rumors were only just that.

The uncomfortable silence in the room began to overwhelm her. Tonks was never good with silences – an admitted weakness - something Snape had known and was obviously using to his advantage.

She had to say something. Something to fill this horrible void. There was never a choice in the matter. Silences bothered her that much. They simply had to be broken.

This fear of silences started after Remus came back to her after Dumbledore's death. Every time a silence fell between them, Tonks always worried that Remus was thinking about leaving her again. So she would talk. About anything she could think of. Anything to break the silence.

Taking a breath, Tonks said, "You look like sh-"

"Why are you here?"

He was staring at her intensely, leaning an elbow on the arm of the chair and his chin resting lightly on his hand. Even after all this time there was an arrogance to him that thoroughly annoyed Tonks.

"I'd like to learn how to brew the Wolfsbane Potion."

"So you are the werewolf are still together, then." The words were a statement, not a question.

"What the fuck do you care?" Tonks snapped. "I'll pay you."

He waved his hand as if payment was no concern to him. "You don't have the skills."

"The hell I do, Snape," Tonks said, any patience she had gone. This was her one last hope for her and Remus. If she could just learn how to brew this bloody potion, everything would be perfect.

"If I say you don't," Snape's eyes lingered on her, making her quite uncomfortable, "you don't."

"I received an O on my N.E.W.T.," Tonks challenged.

"I am quite aware of that, Nymphadora. However, you have no patience, which is the most useful skill needed for that particular brew," Snape informed her.

"I can be patient," Tonks muttered under her breath.

"I beg to differ," Snape said casually, as if he didn't care that he was ruining all of her hopes.

"Look, Snape," Tonks said seriously. "Are you willing to teach me or not?"

"For a price," he said sardonically.

Tonks felt her eyes widen at the thought of what those words could mean. Yes, she wanted to learn how to make the potion, but she wouldn't do_ that. _Never ever.

Snape looked at his hand with a bored expression on his face. "You always let your imagination run wild, don't you, Nymphadora?" A smirk formed, telling her that he clearly enjoyed her discomfort. "Galleons will do just fine for payment."

She wouldn't let him see how relieved he was to hear her say that. "How much then?"

He told her.

It took all of Tonks effort not to leave the cramped store at that moment. She could tell that he was gauging her reaction. Well, she certainly wouldn't give him one.

"When can we start?" Tonks said, her voice shaking slightly. The lessons would practically drain all of her savings. Savings that she had hoped to use for a down payment on a house. But it didn't matter. Brewing the potion for Remus was the only thing that mattered.

"Tomorrow. Seven o'clock."

She nodded and turned on her heels to leave the store. Just as she reached the door, he stopped her. "Nymphadora?"

Tonks turned and looked at him. "What?"

"Lateness will not be tolerated."

* * *

Tonks pushed back some hair that had fallen into her face behind her ear as she waited for Snape to open the door. She had told Remus that she had found someone to teach her the potion, but she couldn't bear to tell him who. There was enough bad blood between Remus and Snape already. No need to bring this into the mix. 

The door opened and Tonks slipped inside. This was an awful time for her first lesson. Her mind was scattered everywhere and she just knew it was going to take a lot to get her to concentrate.

It was all the bloody Ministry's fault. It had to be today they announced that they were going to vote on a new decree, saying that it is illegal to harbor a Dark Creature. She had rushed home at lunch to talk to Remus about it, but he wasn't there.

And now, instead of being with Remus and trying to avoid discussing what this decree could mean to their relationship, she had to work with bloody Severus Snape.

"I'm in the back," he called out.

Tonks sighed and walked through the small hallway that led to a pristine potions laboratory. He was looking through a microscope when she entered. When Snape stood up, she was surprised to see that he had shaved as well as gotten a haircut.

"Your punctuality is appreciated, Nymphadora," he said, motioning towards a desk where a tome lay open.

She shifted uncomfortably. "You're welcome," Tonks replied. Searching for something else to say, she added, "How are you?"

"You wish to engage in small talk?" he asked, raising one eyebrow.

Tonks couldn't help it, she rolled her eyes. "Just answer the question."

"I believe the socially accepted answer is fine." Snape sat in one of the chairs in front of the desk. He looked at her with almost a stern expression on his face. "I assume you won't care if I don't respond in kind."

"Maybe I do," Tonks told him, not holding back her irritation. The man hadn't changed at all since the war ended. Not at all. "Why can't you ask me how I am?"

"Because that would make you believe that I have an interest in your person when I certainly have nothing of the sort."

"Fine. Be that way," Tonks said with a shrug. Though on the inside she was a bit annoyed. She was trying to make some sort of an effort. Would it kill him to have something half polite come out of his mouth? "Can we start now?"

Snape stared at her, a smirk settling on his lips. "Grammar, Nymphadora."

Her hands immediately went into fists. Trying to control her temper, she said, "I'm paying you to teach me a potion. Not to correct my grammar."

Snape was clearly enjoying himself. "Consider it an extra service. Now sit."

With a sigh, Tonks walked to the desk and sat down next to him, ignoring the fact that their legs brushed as she did.

"Shall we begin?" asked Snape in a bored voice.

Tonks nodded and the lesson started. However, instead of actually brewing anything, Snape's idea of a first lesson revolved around lecturing her on the different ingredients required and how they interacted together. She had to actually get out a piece of parchment and start taking notes, because Snape hinted that before she even showed her the recipe for the potion, she would be required to pass an oral exam. It was like she was back in the dungeons again!

Three hours later, Tonks thought she had a thorough understanding of the theory behind the potion. Her neck and upper back was stiff from leaning over the various books Snape showed her.

Finally Snape announced that they were finished for the evening. Tonks stood up immediately and rolled her shoulders, trying to loosen up. All she wanted was to go home and see if she couldn't convince Remus to give her a back rub.

"When shall you be here next?" asked Snape as he walked her to the door.

Tonks bit her lip, thinking of her schedule. She had evening patrols the next few nights. She could have lessons during the day, but she didn't want to take that time away from Remus. "Would Thursday work?"

"I believe I will be able to make the time in the middle of all of my long standing social arrangements."

It took her a moment to realise that he was being sarcastic. "I'll be by after work, then."

Snape nodded and Tonks went home to Remus.

* * *

Remus didn't ask how the lesson went and Tonks didn't tell him. There was so much that she'd like to tell him. Like what a bastard Snape still was or talking about the theory of the potion, which was half way interesting. 

But there were just so many things in general that they couldn't talk about. She never spoke about work, because that would remind him that he didn't have a job himself. She refused to bring up her family, thinking of her parent's disapproval of her choice of Remus as a romantic partner. It left very little they could talk about.

Her next lesson seemed to sneak up on her quickly. Tonks was in absolutely no mindset to work on a potion. At her lunch, she went home to see Remus and he started an argument over the new decree that would be voted on in two weeks.

She had had trouble concentrating since. And now she had to pass Snape's bloody oral exam before he would actually teach her how to brew.

"When the Aconite is mixed with the powdered Moonstone, what is the direct result?"

Tonks closed her eyes tightly, trying to think of the answer. But the only thing she could think of was Remus saying that maybe she was better off without him this afternoon.

"I don't know," she said finally.

"You can leave now."

"What?"

"You heard me, Nymphadora," Snape said matter-of-factly, crossing his arms over his chest. "That is the third question you have failed to answer correctly. The Wolfsbane Potion is one of the most dangerous potions in existence. If I teach you to brew in your current state, you will get us both killed. Now get out."

"I'm just having a bad day," Tonks pleaded. "Please, I'll concentrate now."

"What makes you think for a moment that I believe you?" Snape glared at her and Tonks found she couldn't meet his stare. He lifted his arm and pointed towards the door. "Out."

"Can I – May I come back tomorrow," Tonks said, near tears. "Please, Snape. I have to learn how to brew this potion." A few tears escaped and trickled down her check. Snape turned away, a look of disgust on his face. "Please."

"You will still be charged for today's lesson," Snape said, still not looking at her.

"That's fine," Tonks said, relief washing over her. "That's absolutely fine. I'll be perfect tomorrow. I'll know everything."

"That remains to be seen."

"Thank you, Snape. Thank you so much." Tonks gathered her notes quickly.

"Now leave."

* * *

**A/N - I'll post the next part in a week or so. Cheers!**  



	2. Part II

**Breaking the Silence - Part II**

The next day was mainly spent studying. While she should have been catching up on reports, Tonks memorized exactly how Pomegranate interacted with the Helleborn or how the Sopohorous and the Valerian worked in tandem.

When she stood in front of Snape's shop, instead of going right in, like he now said she could, Tonks took a moment to collect her wits. She knew this was her last chance. If she messed up tonight, he wouldn't continue the lessons, she was sure of it. Perfection was what was needed tonight.

Taking a deep breath, Tonks let herself into the shop, waiting for the now familiar, "I'm in back."

Tonks walked purposefully into the back room, setting her knapsack next to the desk. She could feel him studying her intently, trying to gauge her emotional state.

"There will be no more Gryffindor theatrics if you wish to continue these lessons," he said finally.

"I was in Hufflepuff," Tonks muttered under her breath.

"Do you have something to say, Nymphadora?"

"Nothing," Tonks replied, shaking her head.

"Then let's begin."

Over the next two hours, Tonks answered every single one of Snape's questions correctly. It was exhausting; it almost felt like they were dueling. He would shot off a question and she would parry the answer right back.

Finally Snape crossed his arms over his chest. "Acceptable."

Stung, Tonks responded, "Acceptable? I answered every single one of your questions." She sniffed. "I think that deserves an Outstanding in my book."

"How many times will I have to say this before you will understand? With a potion as complex and dangerous as the Wolfsbane Potion, anything less than complete and total knowledge of the theory in unacceptable. Therefore, knowing all of the answers is acceptable. Nothing more."

"Fine," Tonks sighed, rolling her eyes. "I'm glad my progress was acceptable."

"When shall you be here next?"

"Is tomorrow too soon?" asked Tonks. "There's only two weeks before the next full moon."

"Very well."

* * *

The next three lessons were simply practice brewing sessions. Snape used ingredients that weren't nearly expensive as the real ones, but still had the same effect during the brewing process. Though the result was worthless. After the third lesson, Snape declared that she was ready to try brewing using the actual ingredients.

This pleased Tonks greatly, because there was now only eight days before the full moon. Remus had to start taking the potion tomorrow or the potion wouldn't work this month.

It had been a few years since Remus had gone through a full moon without the Wolfsbane Potion. Two and a half years, in fact. The last had been the last month they had been apart, the month before Remus finally came to his senses. The worst thing Tonks could think of was Remus going through a transformation and being reminded of those times. That was why she was working so hard.

Tonks had practised the movements so many times, that she almost thought that she could brew the potion in her sleep.

But as she stared at the ingredients already laid out before her, Tonks knew that this was different. Her entire relationship with Remus could possibly hang in the balance. There was nothing more important than getting this potion right.

"Are you ready to begin?" Snape asked in a bored voice.

"I'm ready." Her voice portrayed a confidence she did not feel. Get a grip! she thought angrily to herself. Snape had harped again and again on the need for confidence for this potion to work. Anything less than a steady, calm hand would mean failure.

The first hour she worked in silence. Only once did her hand linger over an ingredient that she was unsure of. But it was a crucial part of the brew. And there was no time to check her notes; the timing had to be precise.

The entire process was a total of four hours. After the first hour, there was thirteen minutes where the potion simply sat and stewed. There were no ingredients to add or to stir.

When the thirteen minutes started, Snape went to the desk and pulled out i Potions Weekly /i . Tonks hadn't brought anything to occupy her time, so sat down at her work station and rested her chin on her hands.

Five or so minutes passed before Tonks thought she might be driven to madness by the silence that had settled over the room. Before she could stop herself, she asked, "Why did you stay in Britain?"

"Are you attempting mindless chit chat again? You might remember that I wasn't very receptive the first time."

"It's not mindless," Tonks said, watching him. Snape hadn't looked up from the periodical. "I'm genuinely curious. After all that had happened, why in the world would you stay in Britain? Most people think that you left the country."

"Did you share that view?"

"I fancied you in the Caribbean somewhere, in a straw hut and drinking rum out of a coconut." Tonks blushed after she finished speaking. She hadn't meant to say her actual thoughts out loud. "Or something like that."

"Do tell," Snape said with a hint of a sneer.

"But why did you stay?" Tonks asked curiously. Now that she was on the topic, it would be hard to let it go. "You're despised here." She closed her eyes in horror. Insulting the man who could potentially save her relationship with Remus would quite possibly be the worst thing that she could do.

But instead of fuming in anger like she expected, a satisfied smile settled on Snape's lips. "Perhaps that is why I stayed."

This intrigued her. "You stayed because you're hated?" asked Tonks. She shook her head. "I couldn't do that. I hate it when I know someone doesn't like me."

"That is one deficiency of your House, Nymphadora. You're all a bit too nice for my tastes."

"And Slytherins are too arrogant," Tonks shot back.

"That has been said before." Snape idly turned a page of his magazine. "You have thirty seconds before you need to add the Lovage."

"Shit!"

Tonks jumped up and searched frantically for the Lovage. "What did I do with it?" she asked, fear rising in her throat.

"Fifteen seconds."

"Snape, it was right here! You saw it-"

"Ten seconds."

"I don't believe this. It's ruined. What am I going to-"

"Underneath your left hand."

Tonks looked down, and behold, there was the Lovage. She picked it up and threw it in the cauldron, waiting for the sparks that should appear. When they did, Tonks turned and glared at Snape. "You did that on purpose."

"Perhaps."

"Why would you do that?" Tonks asked, near tears. "You know how important this is."

"I told you where it was, didn't I?" asked Snape. "Perhaps you should concentrate on the next step and not a perceived injustice."

"Whatever," Tonks muttered under her breath. But she did take his advice.

Three hours later, the potion was finished. There was enough for two nights. She would have to come back the next night to make another two doses. It was tiring, but Tonks had to keep reminding herself that once she mastered the potion, she could brew in the comfort of her own flat.

Remus was still up when she arrived home. "Look what I have," Tonks said, trying to sound cheerful, even though she was excited. She held up the phials proudly. "This is for tomorrow and the next night."

"Thank you," Remus told her. He patted the sofa next to him, and Tonks went eagerly to sit next to him. These were the moments that she loved. When they could just be together, arms around each other. It let her think – even just for a little bit – that everything could be perfect between them someday.

"How's the Potion Master?" Remus asked casually. "Are you enjoying the lessons?"

It took quite a considerable amount of effort for Tonks not to burst out laughing. If Remus only knew. "It's been interesting," she said finally. "I'm learning. It's almost like I'm back in the dungeons at Hogwarts."

He stiffened and Tonks immediately chastised herself for making him think of Snape.

"I'm joking, love," Tonks said soothingly. "Only joking."

* * *

Over the next week, Tonks brewed the Potion. And each time during the thirteen minutes when there was no work to be done, Tonks asked Snape questions. Though nothing nearly as personal as the first question she asked him. Surprisingly, he consented to answer most of them.

She learned that his favourite colour was not black or green, like she assumed, but navy blue. He never wore any at Hogwarts on the off chance that someone thought he was supporting Ravenclaw.

His favourite food was kidney pie and his worst subject at Hogwarts as a student was Herbology. Snape was also thinking of getting a cat.

Tonks supposed he was lonely. Not that he was ever a sociable person, but at least when he was an instructor at Hogwarts, he was able to interact with students and teachers. Now he was alone. That is, unless he got a cat.

The night before the full moon, Tonks couldn't be more pleased with herself and the potion. But then Snape had to ruin everything.

He warned her that rarely do brewers manage to brew the potion correctly the first time. That most likely Remus would still go through his complete transformation.

Tonks was crushed upon hearing this. Now she had to tell Remus, after telling him that she brewed the potion correctly. Life truly wasn't fair sometimes.

* * *

She watched Remus take off his clothes and hand them to her. Once naked, he settled onto a pile of blankets and gingerly covered himself. "You can lock the door now," he said wearily.

"I'll see you in the morning," Tonks said, trying to sound cheerful. Then as she closed the door, added, "I love you."

He must not have heard her, because there was no response. Tonks placed a number of wards on the bedroom door. Inside, they had protected everything with Charms and Wards, in case Remus did go through the transformation. The last thing they needed was for everything in the bedroom to be destroyed.

Though as she settled herself on the sofa, a good feeling overcame her. Perhaps Snape was wrong. Perhaps someone could brew the Wolfsbane Potion correctly on the first try. Tonks was probably a little more proud of herself than she had right to be, but she couldn't help it. If she had learned how to brew the potion, so many problems might be able to disappear!

Tonks brought out some paperwork that needed to be finished. Not her ideal plan for a Saturday night, but she didn't have much choice in the matter.

She was right in the middle of a paragraph when there was a scream from the bedroom. Her eyes closed in horror and all those good feelings disappeared immediately. Remus was transforming. Right now, he was a Werewolf.

Tonks hadn't realised just how scared that thought would make her. Every time Remus had transformed before in their flat, he had been docile. It hadn't worried her in the slightest.

But right now, knowing there was a Werewolf in her bedroom, she was absolutely terrified.

She heard Remus the Werewolf growling and clawing at the door. It took a moment for Tonks to gather her wits and to cast stronger locking wards around the bedroom, not to mention a silencing charm.

"Think like an Auror, Tonks," she muttered to herself. "Think like the bloody Auror you are."

The possibility was very real that Remus could break out of the room. If he did…

She wouldn't let anyone be killed be because of her inability to brew a potion. If somehow Remus managed to break down the door, Tonks would have to kill him. Simple as that. There would be no reasoning with a werewolf. Especially one that hadn't been loose in years, tamed by the Wolfsbane Potion.

It didn't matter how much she loved him. If he could break out of the bedroom, he could break into other rooms, turn people into werewolves or even kill them. Remus would never forgive himself, even if it was her fault – not his - for brewing the potion incorrectly.

What in the world had she done wrong? Snape had brewed the potion over and over again and had no trouble. It was all her fault. She had failed again, even when she tried so hard.

Tonks perched herself on the edge of the dining room table, her feet on one of the chairs. Her shoulders were hunched, but every nerve was on high alert.

She was ready for anything that might happen.

* * *

After staying up the entire night, Tonks should have been exhausted. But somehow, she was wide awake.

The sun was up now, but she absolutely terrified to open the door. How would Remus react? Would he hate her? Still love her? Tonks found herself almost not wanting to know.

Taking a deep breath, Tonks opened the door and found Remus sitting in the corner. He had nowhere else to sit, seeing as they had slicked everything so the wolf wouldn't be able to destroy their possessions.

"I'm so sorry, Remus," Tonks said in a small voice. "I thought I did it right. I'm so sorry."

He looked up at her sadly. "It's not your fault, Tonks. This is simply what happens to me once a month."

"It is my fault. I thought I brewed it correctly," Tonks cried, running her hands through her hair. She forced herself to take a deep breath. "Are you- Are you alright? Do you need some chocolate?"

Remus seemed to think for a moment. "Some chocolate would probably be very helpful."

"I don't think we have any." Tonks cursed her stupidity. Why hadn't she thought to buy some, just in case? "I'll just nip out to Diagon Alley."

"Thank you," Remus said, standing up and rolling his shoulders. "I'm going to take a bath."

Tonks blew him a kiss. "I'll be back home soon."

* * *

Tonks stepped back from the door to Snape's shop. Cussing under her breath, she started pounding on the door knocker again.

The slit opened suddenly. "You don't have a lesson today. Go home to your werewolf."

"Open the bloody door," Tonks said in exasperation.

"Resorting to threats now?"

"Let me in," shouted Tonks.

The door opened and Tonks walked in. "The potion didn't work," she said frustratedly. "It didn't work!"

Snape simply sat down on a chair and crossed his legs. "I did warn you that could be the case, did I not?"

"I don't think I believed you," Tonks admitted reluctantly. She had wanted the potion to work so desperately that she refused to accept the possibility of failure. "I need more lessons. I have to be sure I brew the potion correctly."

He raised his hand and looked like he was examining his fingernails. "I hope you realise that another month of lessons will cost."

"I'll pay," Tonks snapped. She would pay anything to be able to make this work.

"A bit touchy, aren't we? Perhaps if you weren't so concerned about wasted small talk and instead focused-"

"I was bored." Her anger and frustration over the whole situation with Remus was about to boil over. "I was just trying to wasting time."

His eyes seemed to bore right through her. "Cleary, Nymphadora."

"The name is Tonks," she said through clenched teeth. The meaning behind those words was obvious. That she was wasting time. With Remus. "No one gets to call me Nymphadora."

He raised an eyebrow. "Not even the werewolf?"

"His name is Remus!" Tonks shouted, stamping her foot in frustration.

"Temper, temper, Nymphadora. Remember, there are rewards for turning in those who defy the new decree. I bet there would be a pretty penny for your name," Snape said with a smirk.

Tonks felt like she had just walked through a ghost. "The decree passed?" she whispered, terrified that he was telling the truth.

"You didn't have a chance to read the Prophet this morning?" he asked in false surprise. "Almost a complete majority. Aurors are on the hunt starting today."

She had to see Remus. Something would have to happen. They needed to do something. Anything to try to fight to be together.

Without even looking at Snape, Tonks stood up and left the store.

* * *

When she entered their small flat, Tonks immediately knew that something was wrong. "Remus?" she called out cautiously.

"In the bedroom." His voice still sounded weak from the previous night's transformation.

There was a small valise on the bed, unharmed from damage. Next to it a copy of today's Daily Prophet.

"What are you doing?" asked Tonks, feigning a casualness she did not feel.

"What I should have done a long time ago," Remus said, his voice void of emotion. "I'm leaving Britain."

Tonks let out a breath. "We'll go together," she said at once. "Somewhere where we don't have to be a secret."

Remus paused and looked at her right in the eye. "No. I'm going alone."

"You're leaving me," Tonks said in a hollow voice. It was a statement, not a question. "Is it because of the Wolfsbane?"

Sitting on the bed wearily, Remus said, "Why must you always think that it's something that you've done? All you do is tiptoe about, thinking before everything you say or anything you do. That's not the Tonks I fell in love with."

Tonks moved to sit next to him. "I… I could be that again."

"I don't think you can," Remus told her sadly. "Or maybe you could. But I don't think you ever can with me."

She closed her eyes. "Please don't leave me. Please, Remus."

"I'm not going to get you thrown into Azkaban, Tonks." He stood up and walked to the closet, grabbing a few jumpers and throwing them into the valise.

Tonks couldn't force herself to move. Her eyes followed his every movement, but nothing she could do could make her leave the spot where she was sitting.

She had failed. Plain and simple. She had failed. She had failed to do enough, be enough, to keep Remus.

Suddenly a frantic owl knocked on the window. Grateful for something to do, Tonks jumped up and ran to the window. Unfurling the parchment attached to the owl's leg, she read:

_Get Remus out. Aurors on their way._

It was Kingsley's handwriting, one of the few who knew they were still together. But there were some at the Ministry that certainly suspected their relationship. "You have to leave now." Tonks was surprised to hear that there was no wavering or threats of tears in her voice.

Remus walked over and took the parchment from her. Once finished reading, he picked up the valise. "Don't try to find me, Tonks. Please, just find yourself some happiness. Please."

He Apparated before she even had a chance to respond.

* * *

**A/N - Only one part to go. I'd love to know what you thought about this section! **


	3. Part III

**Part Three of _Breaking the Silence_**

The next few days passed Tonks in a fog. She hadn't been fired, so she assumed that she went to work on time and hadn't caused any problems. There had been a troubling moment when she was called into her superior's office to discuss her relationship with a Dark Creature. But she could honestly say that they had ended their relationship and she didn't have the slightest idea where he was. Tonks even offered to let them use Veritaserum. At that point, she was told that everything was business as usual.

About a week after Remus left her, Tonks stood on the doorway of Snape's shop. Her lesson was scheduled to start in five minutes. Half of her wanted to forget it, but the other half wanted to keep learning. What if Remus came back?

Tonks let herself inside and walked to the backroom, where Snape had already laid out the practice ingredients.

"And how are you?" Snape asked.

She looked at him angrily, remembering the cutting words he had spoken at their last meeting. "I thought that small talk was a waste of time?"

"It is. However, taking in recent events, it's imperative for me to know that you are in the correct mental state to brew this potion," Snape said in a bored voice.

Not able to help herself, Tonks rolled her eyes. "I'm fine. Thank you for asking."

"And how is the werewolf?"

She flinched. "None of your business," Tonks replied. Her words were flat, with no life in them.

Snape arched one eyebrow. "Could something have possibly happened to cause a disturbance to your hearth?"

Tonks looked at him angrily. "It's none of your business."

"So the Suzie Homemaker act doesn't work anymore," Snape drawled. "My, my, I am surprised. I would have thought that Lupin would be on his bended knee, thanking you for all that you've done-"

"Will you please shut up?" Tonks demanded. "Teach me to make the damned potion."

"Not much point in brewing it, is there, if the wolf has left the den?"

She felt tears stinging her eyes. The last thing she wanted was to cry in front of Snape. She wouldn't. She couldn't. Taking a deep breath to compose herself, Tonks said in a low voice, "I have paid you for your knowledge to teach me this potion. Obviously, as the potion didn't work, you have not upheld your end of our arrangement. You will teach me how to properly brew this potion."

An unpleasant smile settled on the Potions Master's lips. "Then let us begin," he said simply. Tonks might have imagined it, but there seemed to be a hint of respect behind those words.

Snape showed her ways to tighten up the brewing process, such as a flick of the wrist during one step or pausing – only momentarily – between stirs during another.

Then when she had a practice run, Tonks determinedly kept her mouth shut - not saying a single word - during those thirteen minutes of waiting. By the end of waiting period, she was tapping her foot nervously and needing to all but put her hand over her mouth to keep from talking. She hated the silence that much.

Snape certainly seemed to be amused by her behavior. She could see out of the corner of her eye that he kept glancing at her and occasionally shaking his head.

Finally the thirteen minutes were complete. When they were, Tonks was ready with the Lovage. The brewing went seamlessly. Snape even begrudgingly admitted that it was acceptable, high praise from him.

The next two weeks were spent assuring Molly and Kingsley that she was fine. Complete bollocks, but the last thing she wanted was sympathy. The first time Remus had left her, during the war, Tonks had clung onto that sympathy. She had let it wash over her.

But this time around that was the last thing she wanted. So she declined Molly's dinner invitations and Kingsley's offer for a butterbeer after work.

Surprisingly, Tonks found herself looking forward to her lessons with Snape. There, in the back room of his dimly lit store, was the last place where she would find any sympathy. Tonks rather suspected that Snape would laugh at her if she tried to illicit that type of response from him.

And that's what she wanted. A place where she couldn't think about Remus. Except for those thirteen minutes, Tonks had to spend the rest of the brewing process completely focused on the potion. It helped clear her head.

A week before the full moon, Tonks had another lesson scheduled. As she walked down Knockturn Alley, Tonks wondered why she really was continuing the lessons. Did she truly think that Remus was going to come back to her?

Did she even want Remus to come back now? The thought surprised her. Tonks realised that she was walking with a lighter step, like a weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. She had been waiting for Remus to leave her for so long that it was almost a relief that he was finally gone. She didn't have to wait any longer.

Then what was the point of learning how to brew the potion correctly?

It was more than Remus now, she decided. While she was a Hufflepuff, Tonks always thought she had a bit of Ravenclaw in her. Tonks wanted to learn to brew this potion. Wanted it more than anything now. It was one of the most complex potions in existence. She wanted to be able to tell people, "Wolfsbane Potion? Sure, I can brew that."

Tonks was ten minutes early and found Snape still setting up the work station. With real ingredients, not fake ones. There was no surprise on his face as she walked in. It was almost as if he expected her.

"Can I help?" she asked.

"Are you able to ask using proper grammar?" Snape replied, laying out the different stirrers that would be needed.

"I didn't want to help anyway," Tonks said with a flip of her hair, sitting down cross-legged on a stool.

Snape continued working, though Tonks did see him raise his eyebrows in surprise. He must not have expected that response. Good. Maybe she wanted the unexpected right now.

He indicated that it was time to start brewing. Tonks closed her eyes and focused only on the potion. Nothing else but the potion.

It worked, too. Clearing her mind allowed her not to think of Remus once. Until the thirteen minute break started.

She sat there, tapping her foot and drumming her fingers. Tonks wanted to speak. She just wanted to talk. It didn't have to be a serious discussion. Small talk. But Snape wouldn't be pleased if she started a conversation.

And then she realised what she was doing. Snape didn't want to make small talk during the thirteen minutes. Tonks did. She letting her own wants go to the wayside because she was trying to please him. Make him think better of her.

That was what she had done for years with Remus. When had she stopped being a woman who went after what she wanted? That's how Remus and she got together in the first place. She wanted him. He had resisted from the beginning, but she didn't back down because he was what she wanted.

And now look at her. She had become weak and accommodating. And almost lost herself completely.

No more. "So if you got a cat, what kind would you get?" Tonks asked.

Snape looked up between his curtains of hair. "I beg your pardon?"

"Last month you said you were thinking of getting a cat," Tonks said, leaning her elbows on the table and resting her chin on her hands. "What kind?"

"Why do you care?"

"Because, Snape," Tonks started, "there are twelve more minutes to kill before the next step of the potion and I feel like talking."

"I don't." He turned a page of the newspaper in front of him with a bit too much force.

She smiled impishly. Now that she started, it was going to take an army to stop her. "Then you'll just have to listen to me talk."

"Must I?"

"Yes," Tonks nodded. "You must. I don't like cats all that much. I like dogs. I always wanted a plain Muggle poodle. I suggested it once to Remus-" Her heart clenched a bit saying his name. "-but he didn't think it would be very appropriate. Maybe I'll get a dog now that he's out of my life. Can't you just see it? Me having a poodle? Maybe I'll charm its fur pink to match my hair-"

"Black cat."

"What was that?" asked Tonks.

"I would, naturally, want a black cat," Snape said begrudgingly.

"Wouldn't have it any other way," Tonks replied. She worked hard not to let her grin overtake her face. Somehow the thought of Snape with a black cat was just too perfect for words. "Kitten or a full grown cat?"

"Not a kitten," Snape said immediately. "I barely tolerated first years during my tenure at Hogwarts. I would probably strangle a kitten."

"Magical or Muggle?"

"Why does it matter, Nymphadora?" Snape said impatiently.

"I'm making the dreaded small talk, Snape. Answer the bloody question," Tonks laughed. She was feeling better than she had since the night after the full moon. How amazing that being in Snape's presence was actually a comfort to her.

"A Muggle cat." Snape paused and pointed his index finger at her. "So help me, if the next word out of your mouth is 'why?' you may leave right now."

"Duly noted. I won't ask why. May I ask if you'd like a male or female cat?" Tonks said, rolling her eyes inwardly once she realised she said 'may I' instead of 'can I.'

Snape seemed to realise that at the same time and looked almost pleased. "You may," he said magnanimously. "The answer is I honestly do not care."

Tonks glanced over at the hourglass nearby. The thirteen minutes were almost up. Standing up, Tonks rolled her shoulders and prepared herself for the rest of the potion.

By the end of the brew, Tonks was exhausted. As she watched Snape inspect the potion, she was chewing her nails nervously. She was almost as nervous as she had been when she took her Auror exams.

Snape placed the corked phial on the table and stared at her and said nothing.

It was obvious that he was waiting for her to break the silence. That was what she did after all. However, this silence she did not want to break. For some reason Tonks didn't quite understand, this didn't mind this silence.

So she kept quiet.

And this time it was Snape who was becoming uncomfortable. His gaze shifted from her to the workstation to his desk. Finally, he picked up the phial and handed it to her, their fingers brushing slightly.

"If I were grading this-" he started.

"Which you are," Tonks interrupted.

"Which I am," Snape continued. "This would have a grade of Outstanding."

Her eyes settled on the lumpy blue-grey contents of the phial. She had done it. She had learned to brew the Wolfsbane Potion.

"Are you planning to make a full batch this week?" asked Snape.

"I don't know," Tonks admitted. If she did, that would mean she would clinging to the hope that Remus would be coming back to her. If not…

Snape cleared his throat. "Whether you are or are not, you are welcome to continue to use this space to brew in the future."

Startled at the offer, Tonks looked up at him. "Thank you," she said softly, bringing her eyes back to the Wolfsbane Potion. She suddenly had the urge to be by herself at the moment.

"Have a good night, Snape," she said absently, still staring at the potion.

He said nothing as she left the store. The phial remained tightly in her hand as she Apparated to her flat.

The clock in the kitchen told her it was eleven fifty-five. If the Wolfsbane Potion was to be effective this full moon, it had to be drunk in the next five minutes.

The weight that had been lifted from her shoulders when Remus left her started pressing down again. Tonks shook her head. She didn't want this. She refused to live any longer wondering or hoping that Remus might come back into her life. No more.

With a determination that she hadn't felt since the war, Tonks walked to the kitchen sink, forcefully removing the cork from the phial and turned it upside down.

The liquid took a moment, but finally the potion started sliding down the phial and then into the sink, where it went slowly down the drain.

Tonks thought she might feel sadness or perhaps hopelessness watching the hard work go down the drain. It was, after all, a physical manifestation of her relationship with Remus. But she felt none of that.

It was liberating. Absolutely liberating. Tonks cleaned the phial with her wand and held it in her hand. She felt ready for a fresh start.

* * *

Holding a wicker basket, Tonks knocked on the door to Snape's store. There was no answer. She knocked again.

After a moment, the slit opened and she could feel his eyes on her. "I didn't expect to see you. What do you want?"

"No 'It's lovely to see you, Tonks' or 'how are you doing on this fine day?' I'm insulted," Tonks said with a laugh. "I think I'll take my business elsewhere."

"Business?"

"Open the bloody door and let me in," Tonks demanded.

The door opened and Tonks slid inside. It had only been a week since she had seen him, but already Snape looked a bit worse for wear. He clearly hadn't shaved since last she saw him and there were circles under his eyes.

"You didn't come to make any more Wolfsbane," he said in almost an accusing manner.

"I have absolutely no need for the Wolfsbane Potion," Tonks told him in a steady voice. "Though I'm glad I learned how to make it. I really am."

"Then why are you here?"

"You told me that I could use this space to brew, so I'm taking you up on the offer," Tonks said simply, switching the basket from one hand to the other.

Snape looked at the basket suspiciously. "What are you brewing?"

"I haven't thought about it," Tonks said cheekily. "Haven't made up my mind."

"Yet you're here to brew," Snape said, his eyes narrowing slightly.

"Exactly," Tonks smiled, bringing the basket up next to her chest. "I'll think of something to brew eventually."

He shifted. "What's in the basket?"

"I've got you a gift." Beaming, Tonks placed the basket on the desk. "Close your eyes."

"I'm not going to play ridiculous games, Nymphadora-"

"Close your bloody eyes or you don't get your gift."

Tonks watched in satisfaction as Snape followed her instructions and closed his eyes tightly. Convinced he wasn't peeking, Tonks lifted the lid of the basket and took out a slightly scared black cat she had found in a Muggle shelter.

The cat was female, so Tonks adorned her with a bright pink collar, one that she was certain that Snape would hate, which of course was the point.

"You can open your eyes," Tonks said excitedly.

He obeyed instantly and looked at the cat. "You got me a cat," he said in a surprised voice.

"I did." Tonks took a few steps forward and put the animal in Snape's arms. "Muggle black cat, just like you said. She's three and house trained."

Snape lifted the cat up and away from him. He and the cat stared at each other and for a moment, it was as if the two were judging the other, seeing if the other was worthy. They both must have passed inspection, because Snape brought the cat back in close and started gently stroking the fur on her neck.

"May I assume that you chose the garish collar?" Snape asked.

"You may."

Silence settled over the room. It was a comfortable silence. A silence that Tonks didn't feel the need to break. So she sat down on one of the hard wooden chairs. Snape sat on the chair next to her.

Tonks reached out and petted the cat. Snape was doing the same and occasionally their fingers overlapped, but neither pulled their hand away. Meanwhile, the cat was clearly enjoying the attention and let out quite a loud meow, ending the silence that had gathered around them.

"Thank you," he said. "This was quite unexpected."

"You're welcome," Tonks said, smiling, pleased that he liked the cat.

"Does the animal have a name?"

"I was hoping that it had some horrible girly name like Fluffy or Ginger or Princess. But unfortunately it has a perfectly acceptable name," Tonks told him. She just accidently stroked Snape's hand instead of the cat but she wasn't embarrassed, not in the slightest.

"Are you planning on telling me, or will I have to keep referring to the animal as 'the cat?'"

"Shadow," Tonks told him.

"Shadow," he repeated slowly. "I believe that will do."

"I thought it worked."

"I'll have to get a new collar."

"I expected as much," Tonks sighed. "Can't say I didn't try."

Their fingers brushed again, and Snape asked, "Do you need to brew, or was that simply an excuse to bring over the cat?"

Tonks lifted her hands helplessly. "You found me out. I just wanted to give you the cat," she said sheepishly.

Snape coughed softly. "Friday evening, I had planned on working on a new potion I heard about. One that helps with the effects of the Cruciatus Curse. I hope to bring some improvements to the brewing process and could use an assistant."

Her breath hitched. She knew that in his convoluted way, he had just offered his friendship. What kind of friend would Snape make? She didn't have the slightest idea. Though she had no clue to what sort of friend she would be herself. In order to stay with Remus, she had chucked most of her friends. Would she even remember how to be a friend to someone?

"I'd like that," Tonks told him.

Snape nodded, a hint of a smile on his face, and walked to his desk. "Here are the instructions," he said, handing out the parchment.

Curious, Tonks took the parchment from him. The fourth line caught her eye. "Let the potion simmer for an hour?" she asked in surprise. "That's a long wait. I hope you realise that I'm going to have to ask you questions."

"I expected as much," Snape said with a sigh. "Or we could discuss topics of interest-"

"Small talk?" asked Tonks, arching an eyebrow.

"Perhaps a discussion more substantial then small talk, Nymphadora," Snape said with a hint of a sneer.

Remembering his words from their first Wolfsbane lesson, Tonks said with a smirk, "You'll display an interest in my person, perhaps?"

Raising an eyebrow, Snape said, "Perhaps."

"And perhaps I'll display an interest in your person as well."

"I've heard that often is the purpose of small talk."

Tonks grinned and petted Shadow again, who was now sleeping in Snape's arms. Another silence fell between them and again Tonks didn't feel uncomfortable. If anything, she was beginning to enjoy the silences that she shared with Snape.

It wasn't like those awful silences with Remus, when she was worried that a silence meant only one thing. That he was thinking of leaving her. That overwhelming dread of losing Remus had led to her fear of silences.

But that was a thing of the past now. Silences could remain without fear of the consequences. And after all, a silence could always be broken. If Tonks wanted to speak, she could speak. If she wanted to stay silent, that was an option as well.

Their fingers brushed once more and Tonks knew that the most important thing was that she knew she now had the choice.

She liked that.

* * *

**A/N - Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed the story. **


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